the only one

I've always been a people pleaser... I lived the majority of my life believing no one would ever REALLY like me.  I always thought I could never be pretty enough or funny enough or smart enough- so I took the backseat to life and followed behind whoever was willing to lead me.  I went to college and hid behind a back-home boyfriend.  When I did (finally) branch out and make one friend, I held onto her until I allowed her negativity to permeate my very core and drive everyone else out of my life.  I got married and spent time trying to give off the constant appearance of having everything together.

A couple of VERY tough lessons came within my first year of marriage.  I was forced to lay down my pride and arrogance, to ask myself a very difficult question, one pulled straight from the heart of scripture: "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ."  Galatians 1:10.

So I spent a solid year in the Word and with some women I trusted greatly.  I began to recognize the lies I had believed about myself for years.  I started to finally see myself as the masterpiece God had created me to be.  It was a beautiful, freeing experience.  I got out of my comfort zone... I made new friends... I started teaching a small group of MS students... I began to believe that He who began this good work in me would be faithful to complete it.

That was a little over 6 years ago and since then my life has changed drastically.  I wish I could say from that point on I never had anymore struggles with insecurity and my need to please people, but of course that would be a lie.  A couple of weeks ago, after some things had been said to me by a couple of different people, I began to doubt everything about my life.  I found myself in that place of doubt, wondering if I could ever be good enough.  Then I read this quote and it stopped me dead in my tracks:

The ONLY ONE who has a right to shape our lives is Jesus Christ. --Francis Frangipane

I read that quote, closed the book I read it in and immediately fell to my knees in my living room.  I had been allowing the people around me to shape my life.  So I examined my heart against the only opinion that matters.  And I found Him there with open arms, waiting for me to ask forgiveness and start again on this journey of freedom.

What has He taught you today?