4 years old

Seriously- how in the world is my baby FOUR?
It's not even right!



I'm too tired to write anything coherent tonight, so I'll leave you with a year of John Mark in pictures, starting with his birthday last year.

July 2009- third birthday

August 2009- first day of preschool

September 2009- playing soccer

October 2009- Halloween costume

 November 2009- Indian at CLC thanksgiving feast

December 2009- Christmas Eve

January 2010- being silly!

February 2010- Mr. Potato Head for Daddy's valentine

March 2010-  Medieval Fair Corndog

April 2010- Easter Egg Hunt at school

May 2010- Mallory's Wedding

June 2010- King of the Beach

July 2010- tilt-a-whirl with mommy

take my life

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.

These words were sung six years ago on my wedding day as I prayed for the first time with my new husband.  At that moment, I didn't know much about the road ahead.  I didn't know what our life together would bring.  But I knew that I loved the man in front of me and that he loved me.  I also knew that more than he loved me, he loved the Lord.  As I knelt beside him, I prayed fervently that our life would be ever surrendered to Him.

Over the past six years, life hasn't always been what I expected.  I have struggled, crying out to the Lord in the darkness.  I have been overwhelmed by His goodness, crying tears of joy.  My love has come through fire, with renewed strength and commitment.  My faith has grown and matured as I have learned to truly surrender. 

I don't know what tomorrow holds; I have no clue where our journey will lead us.  But those things I was certain of six years ago- that I have a man who loves me and loves the Lord more- I am more certain of today.

Take my love, my Lord I pour
at Your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be
Ever, only, all for Thee.

home

I've been feeling nostalgic lately.  Maybe it's the fact that parents of friends from back home are selling their homes and moving to town... or maybe it's all the country music I've been listening to... maybe it's the fact that one of my favorite great-aunts passed away this week... or maybe it's just the heat.  Whatever it is, I feel like my heart and mind have been flooded with a longing to hold onto precious memories from my past.


I've sat down to write this post several times since Friday and I don't seem to have the words.  It's like the emotion is too thick for words.  So I'll try again another day.  But for tonight, I'll leave you with words to a song that has echoed in my mind all weekend long.

"The house that I was raised in still looks the same
The room I used to dream in of how I’d somehow change the world
Some things I’ve done better, some things its hard to say
But when I look in this old mirror and remember all my yesterdays
When I say my prayers, when all of my somedays
Lead me to somewhere...

The only thing that has me standing here is grace."
--Addison Road

summer... so far

I've done a terrible job of updating my blog this summer... so here is a quick picture recap of our summer this far.

Weddings were attended.

Camp was awesome.

Birthdays were celebrated.

with dancing (obviously)...

Zoos were visited.

Babies were played with.

Volleyball was played.

Children were buried in sand.

and we've only made it through June...
there's two more months of awesome left!

birthday week

Last Saturday was my birthday.
29 years old.
My husband found it hilarious to tell everyone I was 30...
so then no one would believe me when I said I was 29.
He's so funny...

In honor of my birthday
(and not having anything exciting to say)
I will tell you 29 things about me.

1. I hate corn. (we went to a cook-out tonight and I was in charge of bringing corn.  When I got to Crest, I realized that I had NO CLUE how to buy fresh corn...)
2. I don't hate the taste of corn... it's a texture thing.
3. I love peas.
4. Yes, I realize that corn and peas are very similar.
5. Sometimes I wonder if I still hate corn based solely on principle.
6. I love to read and usually have 2 or 3 half-read books laying around the house.
7. I typically only finish fiction books.  I love to read non-fiction, I just have a problem finishing them.
8. My hair is STRAIGHT... my friends have always had fun, beachy-wavy hair... I have tried everything to make that happen.  It never works.
9. Therefore, my hair is in a pony-tail 99% of the time.
10. I love to listen to songs on repeat.
11. I love how that causes my life to have a soundtrack.  Songs I love can take me back to any place and time...
12. Currently, Faithfully from the Glee finale is on repeat.
13. Sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes... not so much.
14. I LOVE magazines... I get 4 different magazines every month...
15. I love blogs.  Reading blogs is one of my favorite things to do.
16. Some of my very best friends are in high school.
17. I love routine.
18. For example, I have to start my computer and open things in the same order everyday.  If the tabs at the bottom of the screen aren't in the right order, I have to close them all and start over...
19. I really love cooking.
20. I do NOT love baking- that requires too much precision and patience.
21. I love personalities and find them fascinating.  In another life I would have loved to have been a people-analyzer...
22. I have a complex and think everyone hates me when they first meet me. (insecurity, much?)
23. I don't know if I want to have another child.
24. I really want a baby girl.
25. I'm really confused... :)
26. The song "revelation song" makes me cry and want to fall to my knees every time I hear it.
27. I love spider solitaire... and will play the same game over and over until I win.
28. I REALLY hate losing...
29. It drives me crazy this list doesn't end on an even multiple of 5... Oh well, I'm 29 not 30. :)

HOME!

We made it home yesterday afternoon from a wonderful week of camp with 200-something middle school students.  After some real food (read: vegetables and meat that isn't processed!) and a long nap, plus lots of snuggling with my boy, I've been able to process my thoughts from the week.  Here they are...


1. The speaker this week was our good friend Chris.  He shoots straight, isn't flowery and gave some amazing truth to these students.  I was reminded that students will take what you give them- and they're capable of handling so much more than people give them credit for.

2. Sometimes people make mistakes... we are an imperfect people doing our best to serve a perfect God.  I was encouraged by the improvements in things and the humble spirit and willingness to grow I saw.  I think far too often I want to focus on the mistakes made by people.  God reminded me that I'm far from perfect and I'd like a little grace from the people in my life, so I should probably give the same.

3. Winning isn't everything. :o) I'm a little on the competitive side... and to go from leading a team last year that not only won everything, but loved to talk and have discussions during group times to a team that came in a whole lot closer to last and weren't as willing to talk wasn't easy.  But I loved each of them and was happy to see some of them seeking more of the Lord.

4. Hard questions require hard answers.  One girl in my group had a TON of questions- difficult questions.  I realized as I was talking to her that I don't have all the answers and I found myself praying the Lord would give me wisdom and words to say.  Several times I found myself saying "I know that was God because I would NOT have ever thought of that on my own."  It's refreshing to lean on Him and not myself.

5. God moves when His people pray.  On Monday night, I was so heavily burdened for two girls I love so, so dearly.  I stood at the back of the room, begging God to move in their lives.  On Thursday night, the final night, I saw one of them get up and walk to her leader.  I'm crying now just thinking about it... later that night, the other came and found me and we had a great conversation.  I'm not saying my prayers alone made these things happen, because I'm sure I wasn't the only one praying... but man, God is good!!

6. I have an amazing husband who loves these students so, so much.  I know his prayers for this week were to see God move, to have these students confronted with some hard stuff.  His heart is so sincere and seeing him at a big event like this, knowing he gave it all he had but that ultimately, he has given it to the Lord makes me fall more in love with him.  He's the best.

7. I love the church.  Not just MY church, CHRIST'S church.  One of the sermons was about being saved into community- that we are created to be a part of a body of believers.  I am blessed to be a part of my church... but I want to always be certain that I'm not going to church for me.  I want to exhaust myself and love the church the way Christ loves me.  Whew... those were challenging words!

8. We have awesome high school students.  Seeing 30ish of them come to camp for a week and pour their lives into these middle schoolers was incredible.  I loved seeing them worship, hearing their hearts for the Lord.  Plus they're just really cool.

I've tried to think of 2 more to make this an even 10, but nothing is coming to me... it was a great week and I'm glad I was a part of it.  Yeah, I missed my bed and good food, I missed John Mark and friends that weren't there... but it was worth every second to see what God did.  Because that's who deserves all the glory- not Micah or me or the sponsors, not camp WOW or the church or the students, not the speaker or the band- it was all the Lord.  Without Him, we would have just been a bunch of tired and sweaty people running around for nothing.  But isn't that all of life, really- apart from Him, we can do nothing of any lasting value.

whew!

Man, what a week!  I feel like I've done nothing but run, run, run all week long.  I haven't even had a chance to catch up on all my blogs.  I think my google reader is at a million or something.

Why was I so busy this week?  Because on Monday we load up with 208 middle school students and head to Camp WOW for an AWESOME week.  MS Camp is hands down one of my favorite weeks of the entire summer.  I love every aspect of camp, especially rec.  It's no secret that I'm competitive... so I love getting to play crazy games and cheer like a maniac all day everyday.  It also helps that I never lose my voice so I'm always still loud on the last day.

All the sponsors are divided up with partners and then the kids are put in groups.  You're given a name and mascot and basically told to run with it... It's so much fun!  I love coming up with crazy chants and cheers and dances for us to do.  This year I'm paired with one of my favorite high school boys and we are the "praying colonels."  I sent Spencer on a hunt for a colonel sanders costume and I'm in the process of making shirts that look like him.  I'm not exactly crafty, so we'll see how it all turns out.

Do you have any brilliant ideas to help bring my team to victory?

a confession

It's no secret that I love Glee.  I mean, who wouldn't love the perfect combination of music, dancing and teen angst?  Anyway, last weeks episode featured Rachel singing Total Eclipse of the heart.

Now is the time that I embarass myself and admit that I absolutely love soft rock.  When I was in high school, I was too scared to break out of the whole Christian music scene with the music all the cool kids were listening to.  Instead I decided my rebellion would be in the (much milder, more appropriate) form of the local soft rock station- the breeze 99.5, soft rock favorites for a Lawton workday...  I spent many nights listening to Fridey Eppley's dedication show (think a small town version of Delilah) and making mixed tapes of my favorite songs for my best friend Amanda Lyn. 

Anyway, this song brought back many memories of those nights.  So, after immediately purchasing this version of the song and listening to it non-stop on repeat for a solid two days, inspiration hit me.  A playlist of all my favorite old school soft rock favorites.

My playlist includes only the greatest- "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" by Celine... "Insensitive" by Jann Arden... "The Glory of Love" by Peter Cetera... I could go on, but I'm afraid you might not be able to handle the awesomeness. 

What did you listen to growing up?

i am SO cool

Sunday afternoon, I went for a run.
This was before the giant storm.
So it was CRAZY humid.

Anyway, the neighborhood where I run has lots of trees.
Cottonwood trees.
With blossoms that blow everywhere.

As I was running, I sucked one up my nose.
up. my. NOSE.

So I spent a good minute trying to remove the blossom from my nose-
without blowing my nose everywhere.

And then I carried on my merry way.
I am SO cool.

blessings

On Tuesday night I found myself being a little grumpy and jealous of some of my friends.  Isn't it funny how we can look at our lives and see all that we've been given, but in one moment Satan can blind us to that by pointing out one thing someone else has. 

I've been reading So Long Insecurity and the biggest thing that has stuck out to me so far has dealt with this very thing- that we can pinpoint areas of our own insecurities by what we perceive to bring others security.  For example, so and so is skinny, therefore she must be more secure than me  Or they have a big house and nice cars so they are secure.  Or she has a husband so that gives her security.  To say this chapter screamed "stephanie" is an understatement.

I digress.  Back to Tuesday... I found myself sulking that other people had more stuff than me, that certain people were more well-liked than me, blah blah blah.  I got myself nice and worked up about something completely ridiculous and far-fetched.

Since then, I've been made painfully aware of all the blessings in my life.  A friend's husband leaves, another has a child in the hospital...  People lose their homes and cars and jobs everyday...  How could I possibly complain about all that I have been given? 

I have a husband who loves me, a child who is healthy and happy... I have family who supports me and friends who put up with me... I have a home, a car, food... I have a church that strives to be biblical in every way... I have doctors that let us come to their house late on a Sunday to look at JM's ears and pray over him before we leave...

So I'm making it a point to be more aware of the blessings in my life.  I want to start each day with a heart of thankfulness.  Because, really, I could never ask for more than all I've been given.


What are you thankful for?

uh-oh...

I took the baby center height predictor test today for John Mark...

Better dust off the old basketball shoes...
Gotta use that height for something!

a mother's day note

Dear John Mark,

Tonight you asked to sing "How Great" as we were putting you to bed.  That song will forever remind me of being pregnant with you.  As I sit here, on my third mother's day with you, I can't help but be reminded of all I have learned in these years as a mommy.

First of all, I've learned the meaning of unconditional love.  I realize that it really is possible to love another human with every ounce of my being, and nothing can ever change that- that's the love I have for you.  I've seen what love without boundaries or strings can do when given to another person- because that's the love you have for me. You've given me a tiny glance into the heart of God.  Thank you for that.


I now recognize that I am capable of more than I ever imagined.  I never thought I could have a son or be good at "boy" things.  Now I see that God created me just for you- to be YOUR mommy.  And I don't have to be perfect, or do everything right... I don't have to say the right thing every time  or always look my best.  You've shown me insights into the depths of my heart I never knew were there.  You, as a three year old, have helped shape me into who I am today.  Because of you I'm a better wife, friend, daughter, person. 

Sweet, sweet angel- I love you more than words could ever say.  I am so thankful that God chose me to be your mommy.  You are the smartest, bravest, sweetest, most precious little boy in the whole world.  I'm glad you made me a mommy.

Love, Mommy

All Because Two People Fell in Love

Last weekend we celebrated my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary.  It was a great weekend filled with family. 

We started the weekend with dinner at Abuelo's.  Mom and her sisters had planned everything to be a huge surprise for grandad and nanny.  They thought they were stopping in the city to eat lunch with Micah, JM and me.  Little did they know, everyone had flown or driven in and were waiting at the restaurant!!

After we all yelled "surprise" and heard "I can't believe you are here!"  and "This is the closest I've ever come to fainting" (all quotes by nanny) we got to sit back and enjoy lunch.  Sweet Jamie met us at the restaurant and got some great pictures of everyone together. 

We took a ride on the bricktown canal to see downtown.  They've done a lot of work to the canal and it was pretty cool.  Photos were taken, ice cream was eaten and then we checked into the hotel.  It was a fun afternoon.  I think nanny and grandad were both still in a little bit of shock that we really were together. 

The Redhawks were playing in town on Friday evening, so we went to see them play.  Grandad played baseball in high school, so this was just for him.  The announcer had them stand up and told the stadium why we were there.  Then the whole stadium stood and sang "Oklahoma" to them.  Such fun!

Saturday morning dawned cloudy, cold and rainy.  Not the ideal conditions for the outdoor photo session we had planned with Sara.  I talked to mom, tiffany and sara a few times and it was decided to go ahead and meet downtown, all the while praying for the weather to clear off.  It rained the whole way downtown and my heart was nervous.  I prayed and prayed and prayed.  As we walked out of the parking garage, the skies were clear and the sun was shining.  Praise the Lord!!

As we walked into the myriad gardens, we were met by a security guard who informed us the gardens were closed.  There was some begging and he let us go in and take our pictures.  If you are in need of photos, seriously, go check out sara e photography.  Such talent!!  She did a fabulous job getting exactly what we wanted.

Lunch was at Iron Starr, then we walked around the Oklahoma City Memorial.  Several of our family members from out of town had never been there. 

From there we headed north to Tiffany's where we ate cake, watched a slideshow of pictures I put together and told family stories.  It was such a priceless treasure to be together for the weekend.

I am so blessed by the family God has given to me.  We're not perfect, but we love each other.  And I know that this love we have for one another and the Lord has been passed down to us from grandad and nanny.  It all started 60 years ago- all because two people fell in love.

My Mommy -by John Mark

My mommy is so special,
she likes tacos to eat.
My mommy has black hair
and her chicken nuggets just can't be beat!
Her eyes are a lovely brown;
They look really swell.
What I like best is that she
plays with me so well.
She's very smart and knows a lot, I'm told.
That's because she's 5 years old.
I know my mommy perfectly,
She will say it's true.
Because I know that loving me
is the greatest thing she'll do!

Underlined words given by John Mark
May 2010

all over the place

I feel a little scattered, and I don't like it.
I think I need to take some "me" time and regroup.
Because as crazy busy as life has been...
It's about to get crazier.

"I want to sit at Your feet
Drink from the cup in Your hand
Lay back against You
Feel Your heartbeat..."
--the more i seek you, kari jobe

it wasn't pretty...

but we did it!

At mile 2, Natalie's knee wouldn't go anymore...
so we walked the rest of the way.
3 hours, 22 minutes later, we crossed the finish line.

It wasn't what we trained for or expected,
but it was good.

week with the VZ's

Some of our very best friends moved to Houston a little over 3 years ago.  We miss them terribly, and while the girls seem to get together with some regularity, it's very uncommon for all six of us to hang out for an extended amount of time.  When Natalie emailed Jamie and me that they were planning to come to OK for a few days in April, I immediately turned in vacation requests.

We've had such a great time with them this week.  Wednesday, all the girls went to the tea room for a fancy tea.  Caroline got to come with us and we had a great time.  We got dressed up and pretended to be fancy ladies drinking tea, eating scones and wearing funny hats.  All the pictures from that day are on Jamie's camera, so I'll have to share those a different day.

Thursday was "kid-free" day because JM and Caroline had school.  The girls went shopping (MAJOR sales at Gap right now, just FYI) and the boys shot guns or something manly.  We all met up for lunch at Pops.  The VZ's had never been to Pops, so that made it extra fun.

That evening we made PW's drip-beef and macaroni salad.  Kelly & baby Darryl came over to see us too.  The boys watched the NFL draft and the girls played banana-grams.  It was a perfect evening and felt just like old times.  I can't begin to remember how many nights we spent cooking dinner together, just hanging out.


Yesterday we went downtown to the Arts Festival.  It was fun to walk around and see the different booths and art.  The kiddos got their faces painted and we ate some yummy food.

Then we went to the race expo to pick up our race packets.  Natalie and I are running the half-marathon tomorrow.  This is Nat's first big race!  We were so excited to get our bibs and t-shirts and goody bags.

Last night we went to dinner then cuppies to celebrate Micah's birthday.  The guys played video games and the girls watched the blind side.

For today, we're just taking it easy, drinking lots of water and making t-shirts to wear in the race tomorrow.  Oh, and Jamie's making us a fabulous carb-y dinner.  I fully plan on being in bed by 9, since 4:30 is an early morning wake up call!

I'll be back tomorrow with a recap of our race.  Expect lots of pictures- Jamie is going with us as our official race photographer!